..if you really knew me.

WARNING: THIS TOPIC IS NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY, OR AS A JOKE. IF YOU HAVE A LOW MATURITY LEVEL, I SUGGEST YOU DO NOT READ WHAT I HAVE TO SAY. IM PUTTING IT ALL OUT THERE TO HELP PEOPLE, NOT TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL SORRY FOR ME, OR ANYTHING ALONG THOSE LINES.

remember challenge day? how amazing, emotional, moving, and helpful it was?.. remember how everyone apologized for what they have done to other people, and everyone was friends with everyone?.. then remember how a week went by, and it started to fade away, mean looks were once again given in the hallways, clicks were back, and everyone hated everyone who wasnt in their group of friends! haha, i also remember sharing with my group very personal issues i went through. they were amazing, and made me feel a hell of a lot better about myself.. but, what about those kids who dont have a chance to talk to people about their problems... i mean, if you look at me.. you'll see a young, athletic happy girl.. on the outside, people can fake a smile, even if they are crying inside.. the reason i decided to write about challenge day, was for these three reasons: 1. to give my input on the whole situation. 2. to tell you about my experience, and a little bit more about me and my life. and 3. to HELP anyone, who is hurting, or feel alone.. or are too afraid to talk to their parents or friends about their issues. i'm so sick about reading on the internet about school shootings, suicides, etc. i'm pretty sure any situation that has to do with someone inflicting pain on themselves or others could have been PREVENTED just by talking to someone about it..

*my story: about 4 years ago, i hit a stage of depression. the depression was caused by the stress of junior high, can you believe that? junior high was making my life hell. anyways, one night i was laying in bed, and of course, "mothers instincted" she knew something was wrong, and decided to approach me. she asked what was wrong.. and i said "mom, have you ever wanted to just run away and never come back?" she said, "multiple times alexis!" then my second question was, "well mom, have you ever tried to commit suicide?" right then, i felt like my life had changed.. forever. tears started rolling down my moms eyes, my sister and dad were in the next room, heard what i said and flipped out on me.. i thought life couldnt get any worse! but soon enough, that all passed over.. and life was good once again. now, like i said at the begginging of this, the reason i am sharing this with you, is to help you. i want anyone who is reading this to know you are not ever alone, and there is always atleast one other person who is going through the exact same things you are going through. alright, well here goes nothing.... * last summer.. july 6th, 2009. marked the worst day of my life, my families lives, and my close friends. july 6th, 2009, my life took a turn for the worst. i felt alone, unloved, worthless, etc. i thought, you know what.. they treat me like this now, im sure they will regret it one day when i am gone, so why not make that day, today? i went up to my room, took all my cloths out of my closet, and put them in garbage bags, my parents asked why i was doing this, and my response was, "i just dont want them anymore".. ha smooth right?.. anyways, after that, all the pictures ccame off my walls, shelves were ripped off and placed on the floor, and soon enough, my room was empty. after this, i made my way downstairs into the bathroom where the medicene cabinet was located. im not sure what all i grabbed, but there were 30 something pills that i managed to stuff into my glasses case that i for some reason thought would be sneaky to carry around!.. i went up to my room, balled my eyes out, and took them. i feel asleep prettty quick! soon enough, my mom was in my room, standing over me with a bottle of half gone pills that didnt have the cap all the way on! she asked if i took them, i said no.. but of course she knew i was lying.. she had my dad sleep with me that night, and i would wake up to my dad checking my pulse to make sure i was still breathing.. my dad though, he didnt think i took the pills, when my mom told him that, he said "no way, alexis would NEVER do something like that, she is WAY smarter than that." .. he was wrong. i woke up at 12 the next day, dad was at work and i called my mom into my room. i started to break down and apologized for the night before.. and i told her that i did take pills, and i did try to commit suicide... she gave me two options, either go upstairs get dressed and she was taking me to the hospital, or she was calling 911 and having them come pick me up.. i took the easy route, and got dressed. i went to the hospital, had to have all these tests ran on me. and get my stomach pumped... theres more to this story, which i will discuss later..

alright, all i am saying here, is you are NOT ever, no matter what alone. no matter how much you think people hate you, or how bad people treat you, everything will always get better, last year i never would have saw myself doing this, telling people this stuff about me.. life is rough! its veryyyy rough. you will always get through it though..

-suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem.
-depression hits everyone at one point, but i promise you.. it will go away eventually.
-you're loved by so many people. including me :)
-just be strong.

love,
alexis marie.